realizing your friend is gone and they're not coming back
trying to come to terms with the fact that you will have to figure out how to build a life outside of their stabilizing and sobering presence
wondering how you started with so much and ended up with so little
feeling like a middle school kid in the summer trapped in their room just trying to pass the torturous time
knowing that it will take a substantial amount of effort and intention to rebuild the community you lost
tired knowing you will probably have to do this repeatedly for the rest of your life
longing for the easiness of high school friendship where peers just seemed to float your way and integrate into your life so naturally
thankful for your comfort with isolation but wishing it didn't have to be so
wishing people would reach out and break the awkward ice for you
knowing that wishing does nothing but prolong the painful truth